The Silent Endorsement of Microaggressions
She was just shopping.
At Costco, a Latina woman picked up an item to put in her cart. Before she could place it in, a white woman walked over, grabbed it right out of her hands, and walked away. No hesitation, no acknowledgment, just a silent assertion that she had the right to take what she wanted.
At a grocery store, a Black woman waited in line at the checkout. The white person behind her leaned in and said, “I’m so glad things are changing and I won’t have to shop in the same store with people like you anymore.”
And no one said anything.
No one turned to the Latina woman and asked, Are you okay?
No one confronted the white shopper and said, That was unacceptable. You need to give that back.
No one looked at the Black woman and said, I’m so sorry that just happened.
Silence.
We like to believe that if we saw something like this, we’d step in. We tell ourselves, I’d never let that happen in front of me. And yet, every day, people witness moments of harm and do nothing.
Why?
The Fear of Speaking Up
One of the most common reasons people don’t intervene is fear. Fear of confrontation. Fear of making things worse. Fear of getting it wrong. I’ve heard it before:
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“I wasn’t sure if it was really that bad.”
“I didn’t want to escalate the situation.”
All of these are understandable concerns. But the impact of silence is clear: when no one speaks up, the person who experienced harm is left alone, and the person causing harm is emboldened. Silence is an unspoken endorsement.
The Ripple Effect of Microaggressions
Microaggressions—whether they are subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, or overt displays of exclusion—are often dismissed as minor. Some people will read these examples and think, That’s awful, but it’s just one rude comment. But this is how the normalization and escalation of dehumanization, exclusion, and systemic oppression starts.
A single microaggression may seem like a small, isolated incident, but when left unchallenged, these moments accumulate and reinforce societal patterns of discrimination. Over time, they create an environment where increasingly overt and harmful forms of bias—such as harassment, discrimination, and even violence—become more acceptable.
When a white woman feels entitled to take something from a Latina woman’s hands without asking, she is reinforcing a message: Your presence, your actions, your boundaries are not to be respected.
When a white shopper tells a Black woman that they are looking forward to her absence, they are making it clear: You do not belong here.
Microaggressions like these pile up. They create an atmosphere of hostility, where Global Majority people are constantly reminded that they are not fully welcome. Over time, these daily experiences erode a person’s sense of safety, dignity, and belonging.
And the silence of bystanders reinforces it all.
What Can You Do?
If you witness a microaggression, you have a choice: let it happen without challenge, or step in.
Intervening doesn’t always mean confrontation. It doesn’t have to mean putting yourself in harm’s way. But it does mean making a choice to disrupt the moment.
Here are a few ways to respond:
Address the person harmed: Even if you don’t know what to say in the moment, turning to the person targeted and saying, I saw what happened, and that wasn’t okay can be powerful. It lets them know they are not alone.
Disrupt the situation: If you see something happening, stepping closer, making eye contact with the person causing harm, or asking a question—Did you just take that from her?—can be enough to interrupt the moment.
Speak directly if you feel safe: If you can, address the behavior. Are you trying to intimidate her? I want everyone in this store to feel welcome. Don’t say things like that. This shifts the attention back to the person causing harm and signals that their actions are not acceptable.
Why It Matters Now More Than Ever
This year, policies have rolled back protections and weakened support for diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts. The message? You’re on your own.
Without formal structures in place to address discrimination, everyday people have to take on a greater role. The risk of not acting is greater now because these incidents are increasing, not decreasing. Both the incidents I describe happened this year. People feel emboldened to say and do things they might have held back on before.
We have to ask ourselves: What kind of community do we want to create?
Do we want to be the kind of people who let these moments slide? Or do we want to be the kind of people who take a stand, however imperfectly?
Join the Conversation
If you’ve ever hesitated in the face of a microaggression—if you’ve wanted to speak up but weren’t sure how—you’re not alone. Many of us were never taught what to do. But we can learn.
My upcoming course, Coaching Across Microaggressions, offers practical tools to navigate these difficult moments with confidence and clarity. We explore real-life scenarios, practice interventions, and build the skills to respond effectively.
If you want to be the person who speaks up instead of staying silent, join us. Let’s practice together.